A couple of weekends ago Dustin and I went to a wedding of
one of his college buddies. Having only been married for not quite a year,
everyone always asks us about our marriage. The easy answer would be to say,
"It's so awesome. Oh my gosh, it's the best." But what I typical say
is, "It's so great. Hard at times, but so good." I think it throws
people off mostly because our culture nowadays doesn't know how to respond to
situations like that. Have you ever asked someone how they are doing and people
respond with, “I'm not doing so good.” I mean, I love a good heart-to-heart and
an opportunity to speak truth and life into someone's life, but it tends to
throw us off when someone is blunt and honest and tells you they aren't doing
that great.
I feel like it's the same with the marriage question. How's
marriage? “Oh, today it was really hard. My husband didn’t meet expectations
that I unconsciously created for him. We fought about the air conditioner, our
plans for the evening and he didn’t put the laundry away while I was gone at
book club like he said he would. But, I realized how selfish I was being, my
heart was beating ungraciously and I was reminded of how impatient I am with
myself to take the time to communicate to him what I would have loved for him
to do while I was out for a few hours.” How’s that for the truth? I mean, I
guess it would be easy to say everything is WONDERFUL and Dustin is the most
perfect man in the whole world. But, I would be lying. Not because I don’t
think he is great; he is. But because, gosh we suck and we need Jesus and it’s
a beautiful thing to know marriage is hard.
I find a lot of freedom in being able to admit that marriage
is hard. Our premarital class at church was incredible. Wait, that might not be
the right answer. It was a hard class at times. Dustin and I disagreed about
things, we laughed, we cried and we celebrated. Because of those
happenings, the class was incredible. Anyway, we are so thankful for the class
because like many other couples, marriage is hard. There are so many things
that come up because of our sin, our pasts, our families and everything in
between that affect our marriages. I truly believe that if we had not had those
who taught our class, our mentor couple and transparent relationships with
friends who are married, then we would have been in total shock when we had our
first fight as a married couple (which, by the way, happened the very next day
when it came to packing for our honeymoon).
I love being married. It’s hard work, but it’s a good kind
of hard. Like the kind that constantly humbles you and brings you to your knees
asking the Lord for help. The kind of hard that draws you closer together. It’s
the kind of hard that allows you to be open and honest with others about what
marriage is really like.
People may continue to ask how our marriage is, because it’s
a good conversation starter, and I will continue to be honest with people. I’m
not bound by other’s opinions of how I answer that question. It brings me joy
to be reminded of my freedom in the One that draws me to himself when marriage
does get hard. I am so thankful for God’s grace in that way.
There’s grace for you too, married ones. God didn’t leave us
to ourselves, even in the midst of our marriages, to figure crap out on our
own. Praise Jesus. Bring others into your life as a reminder you aren’t alone.
Acknowledge that marriage is hard, draw near to the God who created the mystery
and ask Him for help.
